A Challenging Day

Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which,
in prosperous circumstances,
would have lain dormant.

~ Horace 65-68 B.C. ~




This is one of those days when I really need an inspirational quote. Woke up feeling like crap (excuse the pun) and then had a bout of severe constipation. For those with sensitive stomachs, read no further. What follows is the result of opioid pain killers and anti nausea tablets. There is always a price for the relief they give at the time.

Spent an hour and a half in the bathroom and the process included much straining and the use of rubber gloves and an enema kit. Still wasn't enough to clear me out completely but it was a good incentive to do a thorough clean of the bathroom afterwards. Ewwww. Took another few hours of intermittent bathroom visits to feel intestinally better but my energy levels today have been appalling. Spent most of the day in bed but later in the afternoon managed a bit of a swim and sun bake.

Did manage to hold a book up for some of the time in bed and read quite a bit of Lance Armstrong's second book 'Every Second Counts'. Finding it quite a good read as it describes a fair bit about the Tour de France which I enjoy watching when it is televised. It also is a bit more philosophical than his first book and deals quite a lot with issues related to fear of returning cancer and the changes cancer made to him personally and his outlook on life. The other thing I liked was his references to the fact that it is a team effort dealing with cancer both practically and emotionally. I could say a lot about that but at the moment I am not up to lengthy typing.
I will get to my 'team' and the importance of various people in it in due course. Let me just say I owe my success so far to a lot of different people and their varying degrees of input.

One more thing I realised today has to do with my hair, or lack there of. When I first got cancer I thought about losing my hair and didn't think it would matter. I have been surprised at how much it has mattered, I find it quite disturbing and am probably a bit obsessive about it. Today I thought that it was due to the fact that it is a constant reminder of the fact that I have cancer - a real reality check every time I pass a mirror or scratch my head. This seems to disturb me more than I thought it would. The good thing about it is that it is also a reality check on the toll on my body of the treatment. Yes, it is getting rid of the cancer but my body is being battered by the treatment as well. My lack of hair can be a reminder that it is ok to lie in bed some days, to feel awful and not try and push myself too hard. I can look at my head or run my fingers through the wispy bits of hair left and say 'this is hard on the body - look what it has done to my hair!'. In some way I find that reassuring. There is a legitimate reason why I can't swim 50 laps or go for an hours walk. I just need to be patient and I will regain my energy and fitness.

Surviving and attempting to thrive

Linda