Removab 2

Pain adds rest unto pleasure, and teaches the luxury of health.


Martin Tupper 1810-1889, British Author, Poet, Inventor





Today is the second Removab day. I must say I am not feeling very brave. Yesterday I started feeling better and we had lunch at the Klinik as it was getting late again with my infusions. By late afternoon I was feeling pretty good. This morning I woke up ok but then got very nauseous after drinking some lime juice and hot water. Had to take a Zofran. Oh well.

Truth be told, the last few days I have been feeling anxious about having Removab again today after such a horribly 'good' reaction last time. This morning I remembered some words of wisdom from a DVD I have by Loretta Le Roy called "the Joy of Stress" in which she says that you are guaranteed to suffer so.... why practice? I love that. Harder to put into practice than that simple idea might seem to indicate, however. Too much brain chattering. Nevertheless, it is something worth reminding myself of regularly and it also brings some lightness and laughter to what could be made, by my mind, into a somewhat grim situation.

Practicing suffering does seem to be a pretty common condition. Many of us seem to be constantly worrying about possible future scenarios that may or may not occur or past ones that we can not change. Future speculation has some place, I think, in making some possible necessary preparations. A bit like taking an umbrella if it looks like rain. However, we then need to let go and live more in the present. Preparations are not always necessary or useful. We seem to waste so much of the good in the present by worrying about the 'not so good' in the past and the future, both of which are pretty well out of our control anyway. If we live more in the present we may become calmer and more centred and be more able to deal with any adversities that may arise. We may even feel, in much greater depth, the good things that are in our lives now. If we walk down a beautiful garden path thinking about the rain tomorrow how much of the garden do we really experience as we walk through it? If we worry about a rock we may stumble on and break a leg over then we may not go out into the garden at all, or walk through it in such a state of tension and anxiety we may as well not be in the garden. If we spend all day contemplating our navel we may miss the garden as well. Or is that just another sort of garden?

Knowing all that, I still keep looking at the drip stand and the clock in trepidation for what is to come. Unfortunately, I don't think 'practicing' suffering makes me any better at it. The practice of meditation on the other hand .....

On a lighter note, it was snowing this morning and the snow shovels were out in force. It was also colder, the temperature having dropped back down to -6C. The news is full of horrendous conditions mostly in England and Germany but it does not seem too bad here. It just looks beautiful, smells lovely and softens all sounds other than the yummy crunch of snow underfoot.

Meantime I strive to survive and thrive remembering not to do too much striving and to look and feel around me in this lovely garden of life. When I stop and take my work ethic attitude out of striving it becomes joyous as well. I cannot wait till I am feeling better to live, I need to embrace life now as fully as I am able.

Survive and thrive

Linda