Cancer reflections

Although there may be tragedy in your life, there’s always a possibility to triumph. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.

—Oprah Winfrey, television host (1954– )


Although I agree with Oprah on that point, I would add that it is a lot easier to do if you have the support of people that care. Not everyone is that lucky.

My mood has been a bit reflective the last few days, brought on by a combination of some people asking me what this disease of cancer had brought to my life, in terms of change to me as a person. Also I have unexpectedly been back in touch with a couple of people from the past both of whom are going through their own very difficult journeys. So, recently I have been asked to reflect and comment but I have also given my reflections unasked. It made me think that it may be a good time to do a bit of this navel gazing on my blog, as a sort of thermometer along the way to see where I am at now. I have added some pictures of the exhibition tulip gardens in Holland called Keukenhof where I was with my sister and partner in April this year shortly before I began my cancer treatment in Germany. The gardens are gorgeous and we had a wonderful day.

Certainly this cancer adventure has been very interesting so far. It has been extremely difficult at times but also very uplifting in many ways, the so called ups and downs. It has put me back in touch, in a meaningful way, with people I had lost contact with. My appreciation of life, family, friends and wellness is much greater. I have made some significant new friends and been amazed at peoples courage, resilience and dignity. It has made me much more aware of peoples kindness and generosity. I have become extremely grateful for the nurturing and care my partner, family and friends have bestowed on me. I have improved my German - hehehe. I am learning to live much more in the present and not fret so much about the past and future, but rather appreciate the past, look for the good things that were there, learn from the not so great things, and enjoy the possibilities the future may bring. I am less critical of myself and others and ironically I am much more positive and upbeat. I have found an incredibly effective weight loss program called Chemotherapy (I wouldn't recommend it due to side effects). I have met some truly appalling doctors, some simply mediocre ones and some absolutely fantastic ones. The latter ones I am sticking with. I have a whole new perspective on pain and nausea. I finally got that breast reduction I always wanted.

There is nothing like looking death in the face to give me a much greater appreciation of life and improve my sense of humour.

I have learned that good things can come from adversity and unexpected places and I am both tougher and more vulnerable than I thought. My new vulnerabilities, as well as the physical weakness and chronic illness, have forced me to let go of control a lot. That has been both difficult and liberating. Through necessity I have become much more patient.

That seems like a pretty good outcome so far. I don't know what is still to come, but I feel I have better resources within myself and around me to get through the challenges. I am hopeful the future will have an abundance of good health, joy, love and laughter. Meantime I am enjoying the good parts of my current health and the joy, love and laughter I have already in my life.

Surviving and thriving

Linda