Chemo revisited.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Melody Beattie


The time is racing by and I am trying to focus on the positive and gratitude - for what I have - the love of family and friends, a nice place to live, lovely pets, a pulse. Well I think that last one is both funny and relevant. If not for the excellent treatment I have had I would likely be dead or dying now. Another patient we met in Germany, Frank, has died. It was a shock, we thought he was doing well. He developed complications. Many cancer patients do, the treatment is hard. It is a sad loss, Frank was a bright, warm and friendly guy. It must be a very difficult time for his wife, Lori, and our deep sympathies go out to her. It is a reality check too for those of us still working towards getting well. Again, really reinforces the idea of making the most of what I have now and enjoying life as much as is possible with whatever physical discomforts I may have. Maintaining a positive outlook and a sense of humour becomes a priority.

On that note, I had a wonderful birthday picnic. More people than I expected turned up with some nice surprises. The weather was great and I had chosen a lovely little park right next to the Kurringai National Park just where McCarrs Creek runs into Pittwater (a beautiful bay in the north of Sydney). It was a excellent mixture of family and friends and dogs. I had purposely picked a dog friendly park and we took our smallest dog Pip Squeek. She behaved herself pretty well other than eating little Theo's (my niece's 1 year old) cheese and avocado sandwich which she then proceeded to throw back up. It was a great way to celebrate reaching 58 in a reasonably well state and getting better with a good chance of being better still for the next birthday.

There were also many lovely birthday wishes for me on Facebook which was great. I am really appreciating good wishes from people a lot more these days, I can really lap them up. Also got some really nice cards.

My sister, Paula, arrived from the US so that was wonderful. After a couple of days she went off to visit our parents for a while. Now she is back and showing some friends from the USA around Sydney and the environs. I think they are having a pretty good time and I get to see Paula every day for a while.

I knew I had to have more chemo when I came back to Australia but I had been putting it off as I knew it would make me feel sick again. I actually had about a week or so of feeling almost normal. Walking the dogs for just over a kilometer every day, doing some gardening, staying up and out of bed almost all day with maybe a little lie down in the afternoons. Great change from lying on the bed most of the day. It was nice to get a taste of being well. Made me want more of it. Finally I had some chemo last Thursday and have been pretty sick ever since. Yesterday I started to come good. Had the usual nausea, exhaustion, breathlessness. After a few days I was actually ok as long as I didn't do anything. Having been better than I had been for about 18 months, just before the chemo, I started feeling impatient with being sick and having to go through more treatment. So my aim is to be really well and have finished treatment by the middle of next year. I know I have some treatment coming up in July but I want to be in much better shape and for that to be the last difficult treatment I have. My vision for the future if you like.

Meantime I have also been caught up in household chores and maintenance, tax issues and so on. Starting to get on top of things and hope to have everything pretty well sorted by the end of next week as we are going up to Hawks Nest for 3 weeks with the dogs. It is a lovely seaside spot with a river, a beautiful bay and the ocean all in one area. My parents live in the next village,Tea Gardens, and I am really looking forward to seeing them as I have not seen them for about 8 months. We will be back home on the 27th of December and then off to Germany on the 4th of January.

Had blood taken last Monday for testing in the laboratory in Greece to see how I am going and if any of the cancer sensitivities etc have changed so that a new treatment plan can be formulated. Routine blood test was pretty normal. Slight increase in cancer marker from 25.1 to 31 which was disappointing but still pretty low. White cell count was in normal limits but on the very low end. So that would have gone down again with the chemo. Need to get that checked again. Everything else was normal, the critical ones, liver and kidney function, were fine. Obviously plenty to be grateful for.

The garden is doing reasonably well. Needs some work, which I am looking forward to. Did a bit when I was feeling well and enjoyed it thoroughly. Nothing like watching plants grow and thrive and provide habitat for various little creatures. The Jacaranda has been flowering with its beautiful purple haze. There are about 10 in our street and they have been particularly stunning this year. My favourite little flowering Eucalypt has started flowering early and it's orange flowers are exquisite, the colour just luscious. It is still full of lots more buds so should be very spectacular as they open up.
Surviving and thriving

Linda